Today I’m enjoying the mountains and the snow from our apartment window. My knee is in a brace, iced, and elevated. My gracious friends are taking turns staying home with me to make sure I don’t try anything foolish. Thank you for your prayers and encouraging words. Let me tell you, I’m okay. I’m disappointed to miss three more days of skiing. My mind is a tangle of logistics ideas for the next few months. But I’m okay. And now, part two of ski lessons. I’ll start where we left off in part one.

What if your turn goes wrong?

It was a beautiful second morning in the snow. We skied several runs, then headed in to eat lunch. Just before I got to the lift my turn went wrong. I went one way, my knee went the other, and my skis didn’t release. Long story short, I traveled down the mountain in a burrito behind an incredible ski patrol woman. In the ski hospital ER, the doctor discovered a tibial fracture. He said I tried really hard to tear my ACL, but it looks like I only sprained the meniscus.

And now I question everything

The questions stated coming immediately.

• The first came in the form of an accusation from our enemy, the devil: “See! I told you this would happen! How could you be so irresponsible to ski? There are people who depend on you! And now, here you are, being a burden again!”
• The second was from myself: “Was your one moment of joy worth overcoming your fear to be in this pain now?”
• The third was from a friend who called while I was in the ER: “You gloried in the skiing and the mountains, can you glory in the waiting and the ER?”
• The fourth came in the form of a challenge from one of my travel posse: “Can you receive our help, and stop pushing it away?”

Have you gotten questions like this when you’ve been flat on your back, feeling totally humbled? Second guesses to decisions you made or demands to measure and balance your joy and your pain? On the other hand, do you have good people in your life who ask questions that encourage you to look to God or to community in the middle of your circumstances?

Questions aren’t a bad thing. But I don’t want to doubt God in my answers. There’s one big question at the root of all the others.

Can (and do) I trust God in this?

The answer is a resounding, “Yes, I can.”

The “Yes, I do,” is in process.

If I claim to see Him in the beauty of restoration, I have to see Him in the pain of brokenness. He is always at work. In everything. In anything. It is always for the good, and always for His glory.

If you don’t believe that, just look to His Word.

The Lord is your keeper;
The Lord is your shade on your right hand.
The sun will not smite you by day,
Nor the moon by night.
The Lord will protect you from all evil;
He will keep your soul.
The Lord will guard your going out and your coming in
From this time forth and forever.

I will lift up my eyes to the mountains;
From where shall my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.
He will not allow your foot to slip;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
⁴Behold, He who keeps Israel
Will neither slumber nor sleep.

Psalm 121 (NASB95)

But Jesus answered them, “My Father is working until now, and I Myself am working.”

John 5:17 (NASB95)

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

Romans 8:28 (NASB95)

“There are varieties of effects, but the same God who works all things in all persons.”

1 Corinthians 12:6 (NASB95)

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.

For it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.

Philippians 1:6; 2:13 (NASB95)

Did I make a bad decision?

I am grateful God is with me in every step and at every turn. I’m learning, when stuff happens that I don’t like, not to doubt His love for me or His leadership when I prayed about being where I am. To ask doubting is to be double minded. At least, that’s what James says.

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

James 1:5-8 (ESV)

The juxtaposition here of God’s wholehearted generosity in giving wisdom and the warning against my potential double mindedness in asking is powerful. If I ask for wisdom with singleminded faith and trust His promise to give with wholehearted generosity, then don’t I need to trust where that wisdom leads me?

I want to trust God and my relationship with Him to the point that my first response to a difficult circumstance is “Okay, God, where are we going with this?” Not, “Oh God, what did I do wrong to get here?” Or “My God, why are you doing this to me.”

I’m not there yet. I’m still of two minds. I still say, “Part of me trusts, but part of me doubts.” I’m not single minded. But I’m a lot less double minded than I used to be. And I’ll continue to expect God to work in me until the work is done, and I trust Him as wholeheartedly as He gives to me. He’s got a lot of work to do in me.

Come Alongside

I know many of you are learning similar lessons in much harder circumstances than an interrupted vacation and a fractured bone. But this week’s events reminded me of lessons I learned before in tougher times and I wanted to share.

My prayer for you this week is that you will have moments that you see and feel God’s beautiful restoration. I pray you’ll see God even in the tough times. I pray you’ll look to God and community in crisis, rather than be overcome by doubts or accusations. And I pray that you’ll trust the turns and the wisdom God gives when you ask.

Please share your thoughts in the comments—and as always, let me know how I can be praying for you either in the comments or in a message.

Traveling in Grace,

Christi