I love words. New words, old words, big words that say a lot, and small words that pack a punch. And I have favorite words. Conundrum was the title of an episode of a favorite television show. And the first time I heard a frazzled coworker say she was discombobulated, I thought she’d made up a word. My red Webster’s New Collegiate Dictionary informed me that the characters in Conundrum were facing a puzzling problem and that my discombobulated friend was feeling confused, confounded, befuddled, and bewildered. I suppose it says a lot about me that these two words both made it to my top ten list of favorite words–and stayed there.

Both words come to mind when I think about making decisions. I am a seeker of much counsel. There are many aspects of life about which I’m just plain ignorant. So I ask for input. And I get answers.

But when I get conflicting advice, I find myself more discombobulated than confident. Everyone has an opinion, and sometimes those opinions conflict with one another. And I’m left in a conundrum.

We need counsel

The book of Proverbs–the Bible’s advice column–says that wise people seek counsel. A few verses even suggest that seeking many counselors is a good idea. Here’s a sampling:

• Without guidance, a people will fall, but with many counselors there is deliverance (11:14).
• A fool’s way is right in his own eyes, but whoever listens to counsel is wise (12:15).
• Arrogance leads to nothing but strife, but wisdom is gained by those who take advice (13:10).
• Listen to counsel and receive instruction so that you may be wise later in life (19:20).
• Finalize plans with counsel, and wage war with sound guidance (20:18).
• Iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens another (27:17).

The person who seeks counsel must be willing to weigh counsel–because not all counselors are wise, and even the wisest of counselors get it wrong sometimes.

How do I weigh counsel?

Some of the contradictory advice we get doesn’t matter all that much in the long run. How you cut your grass, what is the healthiest diet, and which route you take to get where you’re going may make a momentary impact–but some decisions have far-reaching effects. How do we make those decisions?

There’s always research, pro/con lists, developing a consensus, and finding a trusted expert. Those are great ways to seek counsel and weigh it. But we can find research to support just about anything we want to. Some decisions are not as cut-and-dried as a pro/con list would lead us to believe. And not every crowd we poll or self-proclaimed expert knows all of the nuances of our situation.

So, how do I weigh counsel? I gather it, organise it, compare and contrast it. I do my research. Then I set it aside, and I pray.

When God weighs in

Actually, my praying starts a lot sooner than that. I ask God to show me the counsel I should seek. While I listen to and sort through counsel, I ask him to help me discern whether that advice is for me.

Some decisions are no-brainers. God says slander is sin, I don’t have to pray about whether I should slander. When God says he hates a lying tongue, I don’t have to ask him if I should deceive someone. I know I should not do either. But sometimes my conundrum is not about doing right or wrong–it’s about how he wants me to do good. That’s when I must seek God.

I use the Henry Blackaby model for this. I’m sure other people have listed these four aspects of decision-making, but Henry is the first one who gave them to me in a concise list in his study, Experiencing God. He said we seek God’s counsel through the Bible, prayer, circumstances, and the godly counsel of others.

• The Bible may not tell me, “Yes, you should spend all that money to go to that conference.” But God’s Word is “living and effective and sharper than any double-edged sword, penetrating as far as the separation of soul and spirit, joints and marrow. It is able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart. No creature is hidden from him, but all things are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give an account” (Hebrews 4:12). The Bible gets right to the heart of the matter and reveals my motives and desires. This is often when I see that my conundrum is all about me fighting God.
• Circumstances alone are not the best guide, but God often uses unexpected opportunities and failures to lead us. Kay Arthur said, “Your disappointment may be his appointment.”
• Listening prayer doesn’t try to impress God with how good I am, but reminds me of how good He is. Worldly wisdom tells me to do my research, then go with my gut. Wisdom from above tells me to do my research and go with my God.
• Listening to godly advice is what the Proverbs we read above are about. The wisest counsel will come from a friend who is also praying and seeking God’s Word–the kind of friend who helps you draw close to God and others. Sometimes, a friend who’s listening to God speaks godly counsel regarding a decision I’m pondering without my even asking.

If we cultivate the habit of seeking God, we’ll often see His direction as soon as we are faced with a decision. We recognize his voice because we hear it often, and follow Him. Other times, God waits a beat or two, and we have a choice: to wait on Him to show us the way or run ahead on our own.

When I don’t listen

The most daily, moment-by-moment, decisions I make are about what I say or don’t say. I have a runaway, rebellious mouth. I’ll confess to you, there are times when I hear the Holy Spirit’s counsel, “Don’t say it.” I say, “Gotcha. I won’t.” And then I promptly speak the words I’ve just agreed not to speak. Words misspoken can have grave consequences.

But our incredible, wondrous Father God knows us. He knows our hearts. He hears me when I say to him, “That was a sin against you, God. Please forgive me, and help me not only to hear and agree with you, but to obey you.” I wish I could say I always repent immediately like that, but I can’t. Sometimes I’m defensive when confronted with my sin. But when I do repent, he responds with mercy. Not only that, he often shows me how to repair the rupture I caused.

Decisions impact lives–ours and others’. But God works things together. He softens hearts and brings them to forgiveness. And he supplies our every need, even when our lack is the direct result of a poor decision. This is one of the many ways he grows us up.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not rely on your own understanding;
in all your ways know him,
and he will make your paths straight.

PROVERBS 3:5-6

I don’t love making hard decisions–big or small–but I do love what happens when I seek God in everything I do. I love the way he lays out that straight path before me, and sometimes even has me look back to see how he straightened the path behind me.

Come Alongside

What would you say are the characteristics of a person who seeks counsel? What are some tools you use to sort through the conundrum of conflicting counsel? I’d love to hear from you in the comments on my blog or on Facebook.

Also, if you struggle with a runaway mouth like me, Proverbs has even more to say about that than it does about counsel. So does the book of James. Both are worth reading if you want to learn how to walk in wisdom.

Traveling in Grace,

Christi