I want to help

My mom loves to fold laundry. Or so she keeps telling me whenever I set up in her room to do mine. Laundry is something she remembers doing well. And she wants to help.

I see the same desire in my 2-year-old grandaughter. At her age, it comes out in the words, “I do it myself,” spoken with varying dramatic effect, depending on whether she feels heard the first time.

My mom is gradually losing her independence, while AJ is gradually finding hers. But both seem to be feeling all the feels associated with not having the independence they desire and the need to be recognized as sufficient.

Mattering matters

I remember a poster from the wall of my mom’s kitchen. It was bold, bright, and yellow. It said, “Will it matter that I was?”

I spent many an hour at the table, sometimes ignoring that poster and sometimes pondering it. It was important to my mom. I know, because it stayed in its place through multiple redos of the kitchen–even though it never matched the decor.

When all was said and done, my mom wanted it to matter that she was. I want to matter. I think you probably do, too.

I know I matter to God. He made me in His image. His Son died for my sin, to give me life. I know this is true.

But sometimes, I need to know that what I do and who I am matters in the day to day of life. I need to know that my getting out of bed matters.

Is self-sufficiency a virtue?

I usually end up folding my laundry after mom’s asleep, but the other day, I was thinking about that poster, and I said, “Hey mom, can you help me carry this big bag to the laundry room?” She didn’t hesitate. She chatted with a huge grin all the way to and from the laundry room.

Honestly, the bag is heavy and awkward. Putting it on her lap in the wheelchair was a help. Having someone to talk to during the boring task of sorting helped as well. And just as I was about to close the washer, she noticed a sock on the floor. She mattered.

I want to be a self-sufficient widow, not dependent on others. I celebrate every little task I learn to do on my own. But I’ve learned that self-sufficiency isn’t always a virtue.

When we ask for help–or simply accept the help that’s offered–we are functioning the way God designed us to function–interdependently.

We are created to need

I struggle against being “needy.” But God didn’t save us and put us on a desert island to function on our own. He placed us in the church. He calls it His family. His body. He designed us to live in community and to need each other.

I love how Paul describes it in 1 Corinthians 12. I’m pulling just a few verses from THE MESSAGE here, but the whole thing is a fun read, so I linked it for you. Paul is talking about the body.

I want you to think about how all this makes you more significant, not less. A body isn’t just a single part blown up into something huge. It’s all the different-but-similar parts arranged and functioning together.
If Foot said, “I’m not elegant like Hand, embellished with rings; I guess I don’t belong to this body,” would that make it so? If Ear said, “I’m not beautiful like Eye, transparent and expressive; I don’t deserve a place on the head,” would you want to remove it from the body? If the body was all eye, how could it hear? If all ear, how could it smell? As it is, we see that God has carefully placed each part of the body right where he wanted it.
But I also want you to think about how this keeps your significance from getting blown up into self-importance. For no matter how significant you are, it is only because of what you are a part of. An enormous eye or a gigantic hand wouldn’t be a body, but a monster. What we have is one body with many parts, each its proper size and in its proper place.

1 Corinthians 12:15-19 (THE MSG)

When AJ wants to do something herself, she says, “I’m big.” When she needs help, she says, “I’m not big.” She doesn’t seem concerned about either condition. Her “bigness” is just what it should be.

So is mine. So is my mom’s. So is yours.

We need. We help. We function with all of our strengths and all of our weaknesses. And we love each other. This is what makes us matter.

A way that matters

I’m glad you got out of bed this morning. I pray God will show you just how you matter and how the folks you encounter on your way matter to you. If you have a chance, leave a comment. It will matter, I promise!