Hosting your family’s holidays this year? Feeling anxious?

Maybe it’s about finally nailing your mom’s giblet gravy or pies with no soggy bottoms. Before I was the mom, I thought that’s what moms worried about.

But, although I’ve heard many prayer requests for family gatherings this year, not one recently risen family matriarch has asked me to pray that she’d make the correct choice of pecans or marshmallows on the sweet potatoes. I did hear one prayer that the turkey gets fully cooked—but there’s history there. Food poisoning is no joke.

What’s the number one prayer request for the holidays?

I don’t have scientific data, but I’d be willing to wager one of my daughter’s new Brown Butter Pumpkin Oatmeal Cookies that it’s this, “I just want everyone to get along.”

(I’m only offering one cookie. I’ve been looking forward to those cookies for weeks, and I’m not confident enough to risk more. Anyway…)

You want to put on a holy smile and pray for gratitude, peace, and mutual edification. You’d settle for no guns at dawn, no slams of the door as someone storms away three days early, and no old grievances aired with new words that cause new wounds.

My mom always said, “Just don’t be ugly.”

Let’s pass on the pumpkin, and take a second (or third) slice of humble pie

It’s no coincidence that my early morning Bible study group hit the forgiveness chapter in our book the week right before Thanksgiving. We didn’t plan it that way, but God has a calendar, too.

One woman asked—not really expecting an answer—how do you forgive someone after more than a decade of distance?

“There’s two holes in my heart where they used to be,” she told us.

A hole in my heart. A simple, but perfect, description of the longing we have for a loved one we’ve lost—whether through death or estrangement.

We hate the holes, but can’t find our way to forgiveness. If only we could just snap our fingers and instantly BE forgiven and HAVE forgiven others. But it’s the getting there that’s hard. There’s work that has to be done before you’re able to pick up the phone, write the letter, or move your place card next to theirs at the family dinner.

Forgiveness requires the pain of looking at your hurt, the humility of letting go of your right to punish, and the risk of making yourself vulnerable. It’s hard. But the alternative is much worse.

Eaten Away

I was on one of those nature walks where God shows up big time. You know, when even the sound of the grass under your feet seems to speak his name and declare his ways?

I was still filled with wonder over a green pasture and some still waters when I came across a huge tree lying on the ground.

It had been tall and strong, and it took out some of the smaller trees around it when it went down. The branches splayed out over the field still had some green leaves on them. It had only recently fallen.

At the base of the trunk, a gaping hole revealed that the tree was hollow from its roots to its branches. It had been eaten alive, from the inside out, by Formosan termites.

You read that right. Eaten alive. Normal termites are terrible. Super termites are terrifying. They eat live trees.

While it had stood watch over that field, the tree probably looked fine. The average person would never have known the termites were deep inside, busily destroying the giant. But as the invaders went undetected, the tree was losing its strength.

The weather that took it down wasn’t of hurricane proportions. A few weeks of constant wind and rain attacked the weakened tree from the outside, and eventually, it fell.

As I peered into the darkness of the cavernous trunk, there was a place in my gut that related to the tree. I had my own termites and my own holes.

The super termite of unforgiveness

Did you catch that the tree that was eaten was alive? You can be alive in Christ and still be prone to termite attack. God warns us about it. I waste a lot of words, but God doesn’t waste even one. Every Word that comes out of his mouth has a purpose. So when he warns us, we really should listen.

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

1 Peter 5:8 (ESV)

Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall. 

1 Corinthians 10:12 (ESV)

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. 

Ephesians 6:10-13 (ESV)

The winds and rain were one type of enemy to the tree. We definitely need to be aware of attacks that come our way from the outside. Keep reading in Ephesians 6 for the armor God provides for our battle.

But sometimes, in our battle, a weapon hits its mark and causes injury. A wound from a sharp tongue, a bruise or broken bone from an abuser, or a loss to a cheater or a thief—they all cause injury. The wound, if left untended, can develop an infection that eats away at us from the inside.

Unforgiveness is a soul eating termite that loves an secret hurt. Before long unforgiveness leads to bitterness, and makes that soul easy prey to the winds and rains of every day interactions. A family get together can be a catastrophic event to a heart eaten away by secret pain.

Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.

Hebrews 12:14-15 (ESV)

Make sure no one gets left out of God’s generosity. Keep a sharp eye out for weeds of bitter discontent. A thistle or two gone to seed can ruin a whole garden in no time.

Hebrews 12:14-15 (MSG)

How can I forgive?

There are a lot of great books (and some not so great) out there about forgiveness and how to accomplish it. But this is just a blog and your turkey is thawing. Family will start arriving today.

My go-to for forgiveness is so simple it’s almost trite. But it’s mighty, powerful, and the best insectiscide a termite has ever seen.

Put on Love.

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.

Colossians 3:12-15 (ESV)

Come Alongside

I didn’t say easy. I said simple. How can you have forgiveness on the menu this holiday?

Put on your “Gobble, gobble” t-shirt. Put on your essential oils, your peaceful background music, your fuzzy socks, and your “kiss the cook” apron. But above all, put on love.

As you spread the table cloth over the scratches on the dining room table, ask God to keep your family “loving each other earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8)

As you sweep the leaves off the front porch, ask God to give you a love that “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7).

As you set a table to fill your family’s bellies, ask God that you would be filled with “the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge” (Ephesians 3:19).

It’s more than a bandaid. It’s more than a trite saying. It’s a mindset, and choice, and a healing balm.

It could save your holiday. It could save your life.

Oh, and if you can, take a minute to lie down in a green pasture or walk beside some still waters, and breathe. It will restore your soul.

Traveling in Grace,

Christi